ODE TO THE SHOEBILL MURDER BIRD

Friday, 1 February 2019

My apologies if you were expecting an ode - this is most definitely not one - however you may sing these words if you feel inclined. 



From the moment your gaze meets the dazzling beauty that is the Shoebill Stork, its depiction shall forever be engraved upon the inside of your eyelids. So enrapturing is its form, these storks shall bless your dreams of a night for many, many moons and appear during the day, flittering amingst the confines of your peripheral vision. Do not be afraid if these visions become reality for as the prophecy goes;

169 years from the Shoebills documented discovery, artists worldwide shall experience a collective wave of inspiration. The shoebill will be verified on Twitter and named Earth’s official muse. Statues will be erected across the land and the Queen of England shall be replaced by an elected representative of the Shoebill kind. This is sure to be a great boost to the UK’s post Brexit economy (studies show Shoebills sell more tea sets than royally old ladies).

Interestingly, it has been said if you look close enough under the worlds most powerful microsope you will discover the very energy* we are made of atoms neutrons etceterererererererer- have been created in the form of the shoebill. As such I believe the only logical conclusion is this is our purpose, this is the reason humans were put on this planet by our alien overlords. We have been created for one singular purpose, to serve the Shoebill Stork; to provide it with the respect it deserves as a descendent of the dinosaurs. To serve is to receive their benevolent protection and the opportunity to bask in their natural beauty.

*Don't quote me on this. I do not claim to understand science or sienscee terms, only shoebills, the difference between up and down and why your pen always run out as soon as you decide to defer your attention from screen to good ol' fashion paper... it's a conspiracy run by the worlds oldest tortoise.

Completely accurate HISTORY LESSON



Humanity is encouraged to accept our newfound subservience along with the knowledge it grants. There are many lessons we may learn from the Shoebill;
- the art of meditation. Being still and embracing silence as we tune our minds into to that of our body.
- the importance of silence e.g. in catching slimy stinky fishy prey.
- and not to mess with birds because some are really big and from the looks of it, know how to hold a grudge. These guys are in for the long haul, just look at that face.

[Narrated by David Attenburrowundertheearth, the only safe place left)] 

Hundreds of years from now, as the Earth burns, emitting a cloud of human and cat ashes alike into our solar system, the Shoebill's shall reclaim this small, not so green planet. These ashes will travel far and wide smothering star after star, obscuring all light and with it, all hope. And so, our legacy will carry on long after our tragic demise.

Image description (below):
One lucky Shoebill chows down on its freshly cooked entree of human flesh.

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